woman thing Bacher, Mrs. Ferschl, how long does it take to get a divorce?
Ferschl: A quarter of an hour.
thing Bacher: Some colleagues do it in five minutes. I’m up to ten divorces of the day.
Who is sitting in the hall?
p: Except for me only the Couple and the lawyers. We meet behind closed doors. Only exception: if I declare a divorce.
Then everyone can just walk in?
F.: Theoretically, Yes. But it’s never happened to me before, that someone came.
p: Very rarely want to be new life partner. The other day a woman with a Prosecco and a red Rose in the hallway. She said my future husband is divorced. I said very clearly that I think it would be better if you wait outside.
Why so strict?
S.: I think that’s in bad taste. It is often a moving Moment. From time to time I see men and women with a big tear in his eye.
Q. Some couples, however, have fought five, six years, and are very relieved that you are finally divorced.
How often is it that couples argue before the court to the blood?
p: About half will come with an amicable solution to us, these are the cases which go in a few minutes on the stage. The other details need to be negotiated. Separation, alimony, marital property law, pension sharing, child custody, dealing with the children. Often you can deal with one, two, appointments. In perhaps 20 percent of the cases we receive but only after one or two years. About five percent are extremely controversial.
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Christine Ferschl, 49 dealt as a Youth Prosecutor with intensive offenders as “Mehmet”. At the district court of Munich, she worked for 20 years as a judge, since 2013, as a family and also a quality judge, the addiction with opposing parties on a voluntary Basis for a common solution. She is the mother of two children.
©Bert heinzl Meier/star
a Note of what you can expect, once a Couple enters the room?
p: Sometimes I feel actual hatred, so intense that you can cut it almost in slices. The not watch. The place with the largest distance to select the seat. To laugh mockingly, when the other says something. Initially, a cover of good conduct …
F. it is sometimes … but then he’s popping up. An hour long you can control yourself, but in such cases we can negotiate for much longer.
this outbreaks Are unpleasant to you?
p: no. Nothing is more exciting than when two parties are tearing at each other, at least then some of the assertion relative of the well-drafted pleadings. Emotions are honest.
you give us an example?
S.: Two academics, both wanted to have the seven-year-old son. There was nothing to complain about, except that you dragged to your child. You have torn the boy almost.
What have you done?
p: Before the trial, I listened to the boys without the parents. He went to primary school, told me that he wanted to be a veterinarian. And that he would like to see good comic book series with animal characters that embody human. I asked him what animals your parents would be? He has thought long and hard and said: jellyfish.
jellyfish?
S.: I asked him why? He said: these are the animals with the least amount of brain. I dictated the conversation, then literally in the presence of the parents. The father responded with a tantrum, the mother cried. You advise, with whom the child lives today?
In the case of the mother.
p: This result, I would not have had without the immediate reaction of the parents.
About the affected child, what is going on in the family?
q: I had a twelve-year-old who shuttled between parents. He brought to his hearing, a letter on four sides of the stand, why he wants more if one of the parents. As we went through the letter point-by-point, became parents for the first time really, in what trouble your child is stuck.
page: children always know more than the parents because they are emotionally much clearer. I watch the Interaction in the family. Before my judges the room of the parents, the child and the lawyers have to wait before the trial. If in the files, the child may not be the father, I see it sit on his lap, then I find that interesting.
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Ulrike thing Bacher, 56, is, since 2009, family judge at district court of Munich. Together with a colleague responsible for the cooperation with youth welfare and youth psychiatry and a member of the working group for the “Munich model” . It wants to help warring parents, “to find responsible as quickly as possible a viable solution”. She is the mother of four sons.
©Bert heinzl Meier/star
How to talk with warring couples?
p: I’m trying to expand your views. I say: If I can pick up on your disdain with your hands, also tracks your child that 50 percent of its genes are hated. How to develop as healthy? But some are so caught up in their anger.
What do you do then?
p: If I don’t understand what’s going on just in front of me, I sit in thought, for example, the chair of the father. How’s the now, when he looks at the woman, who says: “You’re incompetent!” Then I understand better, that can’t answers nice.
you sometimes Have sympathy with parents?
p: I See a depressed woman, or a severely sick man, then, but it must never go too far …
F.: … then we lose the objectivity. Our place is in the middle.
S.: I always have to appeal to both, or else I’m due to bias out of it. I can tell you that your child is in conflict, because both of you about the other move. Even if I am convinced that only a parent does.
How often are you lied to?
Q. as often as every criminal judge. If we have in endangerment cases of doubt, then we can determine, for example, when it comes to violence.
How do you determine this?
F.: The youth welfare office helps. We will send a Procedure to a lawyer in the family, the so-called attorney for the child. He tried to trust to the child and to get a comprehensive picture of the family.
p.: I load the class teacher or the educator.
And how often do you feel that children do not tell the truth?
p: Are twelve-year-old reasonably intelligent, I can’t be sure. Sometimes a musty feeling …
q: Yes, I know, maybe in ten percent of the children.
p: The childhe already pulled to one side, sad and burdened.
Suffer with you?
p: If a child is so sad that it puts the head to my table and tells me, “I can’t”, then. Then I will also be angry.
in such cases, it is difficult to hide your own emotions?
p: Yes. And sometimes, it is also important for me to show the parents that I am angry and your child is in therapy ends up, if you list more so. I think you can hold back you better, or?
q: Perhaps we differ in our choice of words. But to me, some scenes follow.
p: The Nice thing about our profession is that we work forward. It is the future we are shaping.
Q. We were both already judge criminal on the inside. The criminal law is oriented to the past. In family law, however, we are looking for solutions.
The past of the couple you are not interested in?
p: It is not our task to clarify the question of guilt. It doesn’t matter how often they got into an argument, who is to blame.
it Helps that they have families and children?
F. The life experience helps. At 30, I would not want to be a family judge.
p: The most Important thing as a family judge is, that you like the people. I do not mean that you should be nice to everyone. Harmony means-would be an obstacle. It comes, to more open people, so that they see only their view of things.
you acknowledge that you have children?
p: Rather rare. Once a man wasn’t listening to me at all. Apart from him only women were in the room. He wanted to show that he is the man. Until I said: Now, stop it to emphasize their masculinity, I have four sons at home. He beamed and said: “You good woman!” Then it went much easier.
What is the role of their own educational experience, when it comes to the assessment of the parents?
p: a few years Ago, I had a father who was extremely, I felt, but who loves his child like any other father. If someone is unsympathetic, and I’m clear: I don’t feel as a Person, as a judge. It is not for me in any way to make my settings.
The extreme Right has the right of the child to his belief almost?
p: This is not going to change my job, as long as the child is probably not at risk.
they keep their home addresses secret. They have benches, emergency call buttons to the Judge. May be the profession for you dangerous?
F.: I feel safe, thanks in part to the inlet controls. If necessary, I’ll call a Constable in the negotiation.
p: If we take away one of the parents, the child, is Betasus the heaviest possible intrusion into parents ‘ rights. I Recently got a Letter from a such a father, in which he threatened to kidnap my children. The police took him to the chest. Queasy is me, but rather, if I get indications that a mother or father of suicide are at risk. I’m afraid of – that I come to the office and learn: All of them are dead. A colleague has experienced something.
you mean the case of the family father from Munich-Trudering, killed his two daughters and himself? In his farewell letter, he called the duration of the dispute for custody as a motive.
p: This has us upset. An inconspicuous man. Each judge shall deal immediately if he senses danger, but this tragedy was not foreseeable, not even for the experts.
talk to the experts. Lawyers complain about their Power.
p: we assume, you wouldn’t be one set of parents, both education capable of, they fall out of the frame. The constellation I most of the time. You hate like the plague. Now I have to decide with whom the child lives.
… and then you ask the expert, because you can draw on his assessment? On the Anwaltstag was criticized that reviewer would be a lot of effort too often.
S.: I’ll get him out of cowardice. But because it is sometimes good when someone else looks at it. In the case of children under 14, the demand, the higher regional courts.
according to studies, the opinions are often flawed. You have a black list?
Q. Rather a list of those that you like.
How many cases are you working on?
S.: I Usually have between 160 and 200 open procedure. Per month 40 to 80 new cases.
The worst are probably those in which it comes to abuse?
p: are extremely unpopular.
Because abuse is so difficult to prove?
p: we assume, it is actually something happens, but you can’t prove it.
A criminal court would say: In doubt for the accused.
p: This is also true for us. I can not deny a father the child, because someone expresses a vague suspicion. I need evidence. If I don’t get the, it may be that the child has contact with the father, or to come back to him.
Such mistakes are irreparable.
S.: Unfortunately. Therefore, we safely go with a reasonable suspicion to stop the deal or take out the child. But sometimes, desperate fathers are sitting in front of me, in which me, my Inner self says, it could be that nothing happened at all. That the mother with a false accusation of trying to prevent the deal. Nevertheless, the machinery is running normally: The father must go to the therapy, the child is checked for any Statement properly, both may initially see only in the company or not at all. It can take a year.
F. If the suspicion is not substantiated, it must be initiated the dealing. But then the father and child are alienated from each other.
p: basically, these cases remain to 90 percent, is unclear. I think that is where most mistakes happen. How to build confidence to the children?
q: We do not hear the children in the courtroom, but in our offices. Because it looks friendly, some of my colleagues have toys in the room.
What are you irritated with kids?
p: The most scare me emotionally under-nourished children. You are looking at you, mothers, you are suddenly on your lap. When the healthy fear of strangers is missing, is often not something.
How do you react?
p.: I say: All is well, sit down on your seat. I donate consolation, rich in a handkerchief. But I must respect the distance. I have a question: do you Know why you’re here?
What you hear for example?
S.: I recently had a three-year-old, who remained standing at the door, looked at me gloomy to the und said: “I have to tell you, I want to live with my mom.” I smile at him and asked, who told you that? Answer: “My Mom!” I told the mother a couple of significant words.
parents have an expectation.
S.: And children have a high need for justice, they distribute prefer half and half. I question, always: What do you want, if you think of your parents? It is not quite so bad, you wish that the parents are back together. It is relatively bad, comes the desire that the fighting is over. It is really bad, not the answer that you make. These children have lost confidence. They want only one thing: the Cut.
it May be that your conversations make it worse for the child?
p: If a child thinks that the decision depends on him, then I stop to say,, have a responsibility to your parents. The quarrel. You decide nothing. You just say what you feel. You have to be as honest as possible, because otherwise it may happen that I make mistakes.
you say that you are the one who decides?
p: The Smaller I say: I’m the Best always ‘ speaks’in!
there Was a decisions would you make differently today?
p: Yes, but only a very few. In one of the cases I had given the child to the father. He swore to me stone and bone that the mother get regular contact with your child. But now I had to learn, by chance, that it came to a complete crash. These are the cases that are on my mind.
it Is from the point of view of the children better off if parents stay together for better or for worse?
p: In the case of constant dispute, I find that a clean separation is better. I fear, however, that some separations not only be done for financial reasons, although they would be for the children is necessary.
And the other way around: Separate some too early?
q: I have had couples who were holding hands. As you wonder why you are getting a divorce.
p: I ask then, since I get the cutest answers. A carpenter came with his pretty young wife. “Yes, muas stop,” he said in a broad Bavarian. Even though he loved her still. Why did he leave then divorce? “Yes, because you bleed!” He was instructed in its operation and the fact that someone is doing the accounting, and they could not.
he Would not have hired a better accountant?
p: of course, but if they both say unanimously, we want to get a divorce, it’s not our task, not to say that I distinguish.
What have you personally learned over the years?
Q. That is not, of course, if it runs in the family.
p: My husband and I have been together for more than 30 years ago, we used to fight over trifles. Today it is me, no matter where he turns off his shoes.
What are they talking about the parents, are the most passionate?
p: Vaccination, for example. Or on the question of whether you give your hyperactive child Ritalin or Globules. I get a page-by-page essays, which is supposedly better. Grimness and fanaticism, are a terrible mix.
q: I recently had the question of whether the child is allowed to eat Salami.
p: the other day I had must in the way in which a discussion of method, a half-hour in length, where the dirty Laundry in the suitcase of the child, if the father passes. Since the negotiation cabaret character gets.
q: But it is for the parents, not a cabaret. The Problem is not the Salami, but the conflict behind it. If it get out of hand, however, in dealing with the past, no more I say, I’m listening to now.
p: You would not believe what Facebook and Whatsapp will produce on of marital breakdowns. It makes, for example, each other. We now account for agreements in which the parents are not allowed to block. We have rules about who communicates with whom and in what manner.
As the parents go after the trial?
Q. Some of them go after lunch.
S.: towards the end, I please the couples and to say something Positive about the other. Then you need to rings is often quite long.
And then what?
p: A man said: For your age you look really good. His wife laughed and said: See you so charming, he always was. After that, we were able to bring it easier to the end.
