dear Ms. Peirano,
I (w, 34) ‘m really desperate. I search since three years, a Partner. At my work, we are only women (teacher). In my environment, only couples are. Therefore, I study the case of Tinder men. But I have only met the Wrong people. Either it’s not sparked on both sides, or I’ve seen bad things. I have to say that I’m short and fat (I weigh 66 pounds at 1.58 m). Some men are gone, as you have seen me. You said then: “I want to be honest with you. With someone who looks like this, I can’t imagine a relationship.”
Some others have remained and even have Sex wanted. I thought that you have any interest. After that, you have not reported then, and when I asked, then came the saying: “it does not fit so I had imagined a prettier girlfriend.” I had the feeling that I was for Sex well enough, but for a relationship.
Dr. Julia Peirano: The secret Code of love
I work as a behavior therapist and love coach in private practice in Hamburg-Blankenese. In my PhD I have done research on the connection between the relationship of personality and the luck in love, and then two books about love written.
information about my therapeutic work, see www.julia-peirano.info.
you Have questions, problems, or heartache? Please write to me (maximum of one DIN-A4 page).
One of them is just gone, as I had undressed. He said that he could not just, I was so full of what he had imagined.
I’ve heard things like: “don’t you want to make a diet?” Or “what is your Problem? Frustration to eat?” The men were even times especially good.
I give up hope, slowly, that I find a man who likes me the way I am. It is really terrible to meet someone and have a fear that he rejects me again.
What do you advise me?
greetings,
Lea &
love Lea&,
I was very shocked at how the men in the life partner, they are dealt with. It is very hurtful to hear such unfiltered, and unsparing criticism, coupled with the loss of Contact. You do not get the message that they are enough not good enough not good for a relationship, ugly.
If that happens repeatedly, it creates something of great self-doubt, feelings of inferiority and Fears of further devaluation. I would advise you, therefore, to treat yourself to a rest break of at least half a year to recover from this verbal blows. Also, I would strongly advise you to look into the future, a different method of choosing a partner. Tinder is a Casinomaxi Dating App that relies primarily on physical attractiveness. There are other Dating forums that have other priorities and selection criteria. And in real life, you meet many men who choose a woman according to her nature and not according to their Body Mass Index.
Ultimately decides on the partner whether you can fulfill the wishes and expectations of other people – and whether the other corresponds to the own ideas and Dream of a Partner. There are a lot of people, the outer appearance and the weight are not so important. Please look carefully on the road. You only see beautiful women with very attractive men? Probably not. You make clear that normal or overweight people seem to find a Partner. You will love and be loved. Many men like it when a woman is a little plumper.
another important point is how you deal with the cancellations of the partner. I have the impression that you have to keep the hurtful sayings and plugged in. This is for your self-esteem fatal, as they indicate that you can do something with them. Imagine you were a child, and another child insults you. What would you expect from your mother, if she sees it? Determined that she defends you and the other child says that you are not allowed to treat you that way.
Tinder Dates: insults
And this is exactly the fight you would have to do if someone offended you. Besides, it is not a question of changing the man or to get right. Also, an apology probably won’t come, because someone can be so hurtful, probably has little compassion and decency.
you not Fight to change the husband, but for yourself. It will do you very good if you listen to that you have to defend yourself. Just how?
you should not talk about it, how much you weigh, and a discussion involved whether you are overweight, attractive, or for a partnership is suitable. That’s not the issue. You should also reverse the spear and the man his defects.
Actually, it’s the fact that anyone you meet with friendly intentions, insulted you intentionally and cancelled. This is a very unpleasant dealing with the life partner, and you name it. You could say: “What’s the matter with you that You entwertest me out of the blue and insult? What do you have for a Problem?”
Or: “That is very devaluating and insulting, what you’re saying. This casts a very ugly light on you.” You point it at the character problems of the man – and that’s exactly it.
I think that you can go out after such an answer with a raised head out of these situations. Because in the end the man has a Problem: He has no decency, no sensitivity, no compassion. This is much worse than their supposedly too many Kilos.
I hope that you can protect yourself better in the future and fight back.
greetings,
Julia Peirano