I’m a people-pleaser. It’s a disease.
And look, I know what you’re thinking: “Oh, here we go, another article about self-care and boundaries.” But honestly? I don’t care. This is important. Let me tell you about the time my friend Marcus (let’s call him Marcus because his real name is none of your business) asked me to help him move. Again. On a Sunday. After I’d already committmented to spending the day with my niece.
I said yes. Of course I did. I’m a sucker for that “poor me” face he makes. But then I spent the whole day resentful, hauling his boxes, my back screaming at me, thinking about the coloring books I wasn’t coloring with my niece. It was completley ridiculous.
Why is saying no so hard?
I asked my colleague named Dave over coffee at the place on 5th about this. He’s a “no” guy. Like, pathologically so. I told him, “Dave, you’re a monster. How do you do it?” He just shrugged and said, “It’s simple. I don’t want to do stuff, so I say no.”
Which… yeah. Fair enough. But it’s not that easy for the rest of us. We’re raised to be agreeable, to put others first, to say yes even when we wanna scream “NO!” at the top of our lungs. And it’s a aquisition that takes time to unlearn.
The great “no” experiment
So about three months ago, I decided to try saying no more often. Not just to Marcus and his moving truck, but to all the little things that drain me. The “can you just…” requests at work. The “while you’re here…” favors from friends. The “you’re so good at this, can you…” guilt trips.
I started small. Like, really small. “No, I can’t pick up your dry cleaning.” “No, I won’t determine the seating chart for your wedding.” “No, I’m not gonna spend 36 hours helping you plan your fantasy football team.” It was terrifying. But you know what? The world didn’t end.
And honestly, the more I did it, the easier it got. It’s like building a muscle. At first, it’s all wobbly and weak, but then—BAM!—you’re flexing on everyone.
But what about the guilt?
Oh, the guilt. It’s real. It’s a monster. It’s that little voice that whispers, “But what if they need you? What if they’re hurt? What if they find someone else to do it and that person does it better and then everyone loves them and you’re alone in a ditch?”
I talked to a therapist about this (yes, I have a therapist, and no, I’m not sorry about it). She told me something that changed everything. She said, “The people who matter won’t care, and the ones who do care won’t matter.” Which… oof. Harsh, but true.
And look, I’m not saying go full hermit on everyone. There are times when you gotta suck it up and help out. But it’s about balance. It’s about knowing your limits and respecting them. It’s about understanding that your time and energy are valuable, too.
Tangent: The art of the “hell no”
Okay, so this isn’t really a tangent because it’s kinda related, but have you ever noticed how some people just have this aura of “don’t mess with me”? Like, they walk into a room and you just know they’re not gonna be bulldozed into doing something they don’t wanna do. I want that. I want that physicaly imposing “hell no” energy.
I asked a friend of mine named Lisa about this. She’s got that energy. I told her, “Lisa, how do you do it? How do you just… exist like that?” She laughed and said, “I don’t know, I just don’t give a shit what people think.” Which… fair. But also, how do I get that?
I think it’s a practice. It’s a daily choice to prioritize yourself. It’s looking at your calendar and saying, “Nope, I’m not doing that.” It’s looking at your bank account and saying, “Nope, I’m not spending money on that.” It’s looking at your life and saying, “Nope, I’m not living like this anymore.”
So here’s the thing
Saying no is a muscle. It’s a skill. And like any skill, it takes practice. It takes time. It takes ammendments and adjustments. But it’s worth it. Because on the other side of that “no” is a life that’s more aligned with who you are and what you want.
And hey, if you need some inspiration, check out güncel haberler son gelişmeler bugün for some real-talk advice on setting boundaries. Trust me, it’s a good read.
Anyway, I’m off to say no to something. Probably to Marcus and his moving truck. Again.
About the Author: Hi, I’m Sarah. I’m a senior magazine editor with more opinions than I know what to do with. I live in Austin, Texas, with my cat, Mr. Whiskers, and my collection of questionable life choices. I write about lifestyle stuff because, frankly, who hasn’t been there?
