I have seen many examples of that when people hide that it is suicide, they get big problems later.
There is much speculation surrounding this sudden death, unnecessary speculation that may be a tilleggsbelastning for the bereaved. Funeral directors advise the actual people to be open right from the dødsannonsen.
– You also advises to, for example, to say that she or he chose to leave the life.
And then one has said it.
Psykologspesialist Gudrun Dieserud has for decades worked with selvmordsforskning. She directs a suicide preventive team in Harrogate and know how important it is with transparency. In cases where you might like to be anything other than it – open – it is still important to speak out about it which is difficult, think she.
Now she has released a book together with Bjørg Aftret who five years ago lost the man, Knut Erik.
He took his life.
You are too late
28. august 2014 is a day that has burned itself stuck in your head for Assistance, Aftret. She is on the job, like the man Knut Erik Holm, she is a journalist, and to celebrate a colleague to stop in the Newspaper. She turned off the phone, when she turns it on again, there is an information on the charger:
You need to call home. Something terrible has happened.
I remember how I trembled. When I came to our house in Smestad, stood the ambulance, police and fire truck there.
A man came up to me from the ambulance service and said:
You will be late. Your husband is dead. We did what we could.
Bjørg Aftret had never expected that Knut Erik could do something like that – that he could sink so deep. Knut Erik was the one who mastered everything. He worked for several years as utenrikssjef in NRK and got, says Bjørg, often the positive feedback that he was well liked and that he did a good job. He loved his job.
In the head he was on the job 24/7.
But, after a longer period of time with poor sleep, was Knut Erik tired. Very tired. He realized that the job took too many powers, ” says Bjørg.
He struggled on the night. Sometimes, he told me that “the demons had been on a visit”, he said to me a few times. It made the fierce wear and tear, I think, that he struggled so much with søvnmønsteret.
Knut Erik decided to terminate the job utenrikssjef in NRK.
28. august 2014 took Knut Erik suicide at home in the house of the family at Smestad.
He was 56 years old.
Knut Erik Holm from the time he was employed as a journalist in the Norwegian broadcasting corporation.
Photo: unknown / NRK Behind the facade
In the book “If only I had known … the Story of a suicide” describes Bjørg how an ordinary, resourceful familiepappa to the two daughters chose to take his life.
Between 550 and 600 people take their lives in the Uk each year. In 2017 died more than five times as many in suicide than in road accidents.
He was the open, we talked all the time about this feilvalget, as he eventually called it, that he had terminated his job. No matter how much I tried to get him to look a bit brighter on things, so the docks he down in a hole. At the same time, he was the … I realized that he was much more vulnerable than he expressed.
– To me and the other was a depiction of himself with a strength he might not have had. But he was somehow never finished things, and I realized later that he needed help. Eventually we got also help in psychiatry.
That Knut Erik got help in psychiatry, was something Bjørg think it was shameful for the man.
It was difficult, it felt like a shame?
– Yes. It was very strange when he was locked in on the department, and kroppsvisitert, and suddenly discovered that he had been “psykopasient”, as he called it. When he felt that he sank in esteem.
He was afraid to be revealed?
– Yes, it was he.
TRANSPARENCY: Bjørg Aftret has chosen to be open about her husband’s Knut Erik Holms suicide.
Photo: Private Korthuset races
Psykologspesialist Gudrun Dieserud points out that despite the fact that all suicide is different, there are some similarities. That she has seen “more kind” men.
– There is a tear that goes over a long time. Men who do not have the room to recognize that not everything is okay.
TRANSPARENCY: Psykologspesialist Gudrun Dieserud believe that it is very important with the openness around suicide.
Photo: Lene Solbakken / Norwegian institute of public health
What is the reason for a man which ends with the suicide?
– the Reason in all of us, is selvfølelsen. Self-esteem is based on what you experience from you is a small child, and upwards. And what we see with some men is that selvfølelsen is too much based on being clever. To get by, not complain, not say anything. “This do I fix”. This means that selvfølelsen quite fragile.
– It is like a house of cards. You put on the card for cards:
Clever, straightforward, calm, pleasant. And then there will be a resistance, a development of depression, burnout, poor sleep. And then you’ll see that selvfølelsen races. Korthuset races.
Let the mask fall,
That she now has chosen to be so open about Knut Erik, he clung to his façade, believe Assistance is important.
She explains how she believes he had been proud, and how important it is to get knowledge about suicide. Both to those who are struggling, and also to those who are affected.
LET the MASK FALL: Bjørg Aftret believe men must also dare to let the mask fall a few times.
Photo: Private
In addition to being a personal account, is also the book merged with professional reflections.
– You say that you still daily see such men as hold the mask, are tough and put pressure on themselves. What will you say to those?
I wish that men had dared to know a little more on their own feelings. Tell it to someone when life is a bit difficult, and rather to cry out when one needs help, and not just believe that everything resolves itself.
Also that the more men engage in such social issues. The guys must really like to watch football together, but must also dare to let the mask fall.
Read also: Increase of young people who are struggling mentally: – Get snapper about suicidal thoughts every single day
Read also: the Sensor measures breath – to prevent suicide
