The fear of him is still there. Mostly well-suppressed, but sometimes it breaks. For example, as Marla M. recently, the rumor is heard, her Ex-boyfriend had suddenly appeared in the city, where she lives after the separation with her two children. Immediately the panic was back: he Wants to take away your children? Something do to?
“I left in the evening, the blinds down,” says the 41-Year-old, “the door-to-door completed me twice, with the children eingeigelt and multiple Calls in Known tried to find out whether the rumor is true.” It was not true. Relief. Return to normal life, as far as possible.
2013 has seen Marla the man for the last Time. Nevertheless, he is still there: as a threat that could at any time come back. Therefore, you don’t want to read your real name in the media. You want to make your Ex boyfriend under any circumstances. Just hold still. Then, the hope is that he makes you might be finally in peace.
“I don’t fit into the stereotype”
Marla tells your story to the place that has enabled her to free herself from the misery. In the women’s house of lower Saxony, a small town. “I’m going to disclose that I was here. But I can understand if others hide it. One encounters little understanding, and when people hear that I was in the woman’s house, it is for the most a shock. I don’t fit into the stereotype.”
Uneducated, unemployed, married with a man from Turkey or Afghanistan – so many people are residents before after Marla’s experience inside of a woman’s house. It is, however, an academic like her Ex-boyfriend who is about 15 years older than you. Both are German, social workers, earning well. Marla’s story shows that Domestic violence does not stop at environment boundaries – and revealed more bruises.
More on the topic of MIRROR+ Lisa Wassmann / THE MIRROR of The hell at home: The biggest danger for a woman? The man
“He has controlled me strong, always wanted to know where I’m going, what I do, when I come back. Should I keep to the rules. If I wanted to go out with a friend, I was allowed to only clothes, which he had approved, and the evening just talk to her. He has forbidden me to finally, Friends, and even to visit my brother.
Once I was at the craft evening in the Kindergarten, as he called me constantly on the phone. He didn’t believe that I’m really there. My Ex-boyfriend was a sick, jealous. He was not convinced that our oldest daughter is from him, because it came with the ‘wrong’ eye color to the world. Blue. We both have brown eyes. I’ve offered several times, we could do a paternity test. But he didn’t want that.
I’m about to meet thought, if I do not respond to his wishes, no one else, then his jealousy disappears. I did not want to separate from him, because I didn’t want to take the children to the father. But my Ex-boyfriend has treated our Great always extremely dismissive and Betpas aggressive. With our Small, has brown eyes, he is dealt with quite differently. I don’t have to hold it for sometime, the sight of .”
In the summer of 2012 separates Marla. She insists that he moves out of the shared house. Initially, he strives in Meeting with the children, to be a loving father, for the alleged cuckoo child. But then the man Marla terrorized even worse than before.
violence against women On Sunday, 25. November, is the International day for the elimination of violence against women . The MIRROR is devoted to this topic with a focus week, the Concerned should give a voice to women beaten by their husbands or partners, abused or tampered with. It also identified ways of how victims of violence are able to escape – and what possibilities there are to deal with the Situation.If you have experienced in your partnership violence, you will find round-the-clock sub-08000 – 116 016 the help phone “violence against women” for free, confidential and anonymous contact and support . More about the telephone to learn here. To provide further information, such as consulting or self-help groups in your area, there are at the Federal Association of women’s counselling centres and women’s emergency calls.
“He called me all the time. He constantly wanted to know where I am, what I do, and with whom. He has again started to monitor me. At night it is around our house and left threatening messages: letters, with insulting, hurtful, and perverted content. He has explained in detail that he was involved with the issue of genital mutilation and some of with me plan.
I had extreme anxiety. I have only slept in the light, and with my two children in the Arm in a bed. During the day I’m gone from the house. I couldn’t even assess what the husband is up to and how dangerous he is.
Twice I went to the police. But officials have said as long as my Ex-boyfriend, no physical violence, they could do nothing. In addition, the house in which I live was also in the house. I felt very let down, helpless, at the mercy of. Why were pointed out to my Ex-friend no limits?”
The Only one, to Marla at the time, still in touch, is her brother. Calling the woman the house and will take you there. “It might sound strange that I leave as an adult my brother to call me, but I didn’t have the courage at the time, and would have been on the phone crying,” says Marla.
I was able to sort my life new
“at First, I found it quite hard to tear my kids from their homes, away from their friends and the nursery. I had a bad Conscience, that is why I had waited so long with this step. It was terrible to see, how this picture of the cure family, I had wished for, finally breaks.
I also have great difficulty accepting this, as to me this could happen, why I have not noticed at an early stage, what happens there – just I as a social worker. But at the same time the tension came in the first night in the house of me. I’ve felt in weeks, able to think clearly again, and my life in a new sort.”
Humiliated More about, abused, women murdered, My Partner, my tormentor Domestic violence “If I don’t go immediately, Choked, would I survive here,” violence in relationships, beaten, threatened with a knife the victim of relationship violence “He wanted to kill our son,” Domestic violence “The justice system is forcing mothers, your children to lie to” Domestic violence “, men often go from helplessness to” Partner with a “control freak” At the end, she was his prisoner
Marla’s Ex boyfriend keeps in this interval of time, necessarily. But he requested sole custody of the children. According to the judge he is mentally ill, you keep it in joint custody. Marla’s Ex-boyfriend pulls away then, does not appear to Meet with the daughters. Radio silence. For Marla, this is a huge relief.
“When I moved to the custody process in her own apartment, I at first had great fear: he Knows where I live? He threatened me again? But then I’ve heard a year of nothing from him, two years…. Since it was slowly getting better. Nevertheless, I was able to go five years on any new relationship. It is only now that I have a Partner. But I need a lot of space, otherwise I feel hemmed me in quickly. This sense of threat is never quite gone.”
