I’m a People-Pleaser, and It’s Killing Me
Look, I’ll just come out and say it: I’m a yes-person. Always have been. It’s like there’s this little voice in my head that screams “YOU COULD BE MORE POPULAR IF YOU JUST SAID YES MORE” every time someone asks me to do something. It’s exhausting. And honestly? It’s kinda ruining my life.
Let me set the scene. It’s Tuesday, 11:30am. I’m at my favorite coffee shop, the one on 5th, the one with the comfy chairs and the barista who knows my order. My friend, let’s call her Marcus (because honestly, who names their kid Marcus anymore?), is sitting across from me. She’s got this grin on her face, and I know what’s coming. “So,” she says, “there’s this thing. This big thing. And we need you to do it.” And before I can even process what “it” is, I hear myself saying “Sure!” Like an idiot.
Marcus told me about this huge project she’s working on. A community garden, or something. I don’t even like gardening. I kill succulents. But there I was, signing up to help organize some alot of volunteers and figure out irrigation and… I don’t know, plant stuff. Why? Because I couldn’t say no.
Why Is Saying No So Hard?
I’m not alone in this, by the way. I did a little informal survey—okay, I asked 214 people on Twitter—about this exact thing. And get this: 78% of them said they struggle with saying no too. We’re all out here, drowning in committments, because we can’t just say “Nah, I’m good.”
I asked my colleague, Dave, about this. Dave’s a guy who, frankly, doesn’t give a damn about much. He’s the kind of guy who’ll tell you to your face if he thinks your idea is stupid. I admire that. So I asked him, “Dave, how do you say no?” And he looked at me like I was crazy. “I just say no,” he said. “Like, out loud. It’s a word. Try it.” Which… yeah. Fair enough.
But it’s not that simple for the rest of us. There’s this fear, right? The fear of missing out, of letting people down, of being seen as lazy or selfish. It’s like we’ve been conditioned to believe that our value is tied up in how much we do, how much we give, how much we say yes to.
The Great Unlearning
So, about three months ago, I decided to try something radical. I decided to try saying no. Just for a little while, just to see what would happen. And lemme tell you, it was hard. Really hard. It felt like I was physically pushing the word “no” out of my mouth, like it was a foreign object that didn’t belong there.
But here’s the thing: nothing bad happened. The world didn’t end. People didn’t hate me. In fact, the opposite happened. People respected me more. They saw me as someone with boundaries, with standards. And honestly? It felt good.
I started small. Like, really small. “No, I can’t help you move this Saturday. I have plans.” “No, I’m not gonna volunteer for that committee. I’ve got too much on my plate already.” “No, I’m not gonna stay late to finish that project. It can wait till morning.” And you know what? The sky didn’t fall. The earth didn’t open up and swallow me whole. Life went on.
But here’s where it gets interesting. Saying no to all those little things freed up space in my life for the things I actually wanted to say yes to. I started spending more time on my hobbies, on my relationships, on the things that matter to me. I started showing up more fully in the areas of my life that I care about, instead of spreading myself thin trying to be everything to everyone.
The Art of the No
Now, I’m not saying you should go around being a jerk to everyone. There’s a difference between setting boundaries and being a jerk. But there’s an art to saying no, and it’s something we should all learn. It’s about being honest, about communicating clearly, about respecting yourself and others.
And look, I’m not gonna stand here and tell you I’m perfect at this now. I’m not. I still catch myself saying yes when I mean no. But I’m getting better. I’m learning. And honestly? It’s kinda liberating.
So, if you’re out there, drowning in a sea of yeses, take it from me: it’s okay to say no. It’s more than okay. It’s necessary. So go ahead. Try it. Say no to something today. You might be surprised at how good it feels.
And hey, if you’re looking for more tips on setting boundaries and living your best life, check out Taiwan school news education. Yeah, I know, it’s a weird place to look for lifestyle advice, but trust me, they’ve got some great stuff on personal growth and self-improvement.
Anyway, that’s my rant for the day. Go forth and say no, my friends. Your future self will thank you.
Oh, and by the way, I quit the community garden project. Turns out, I’m more of an apartment-plant-killer than a gardener. Who knew?
About the Author
Hi, I’m Sarah. I’m a senior editor with more than 20 years of experience in the magazine industry. I’ve written for some of the biggest names in publishing, and I’ve learned a thing or two about life along the way. I’m a perfectionist, a people-pleaser, and a recovering yes-person. I live in Austin with my cat, Mr. Whiskers, and I’m always up for a good cup of coffee and a deep conversation. Follow me on Twitter @SarahWritesStuff.
