Let’s Talk About How Friendships Get Weird After 30
Okay, full disclosure: I’m 37, and I’m kinda freaking out about how hard it is to maintain friendships these days. I mean, I’m not alone here, right? Or am I? Look, I’ve been thinking about this alot lately, and honestly, it’s not just me. It’s everyone.
I was having brunch with my friend Sarah last Sunday (yes, I’m one of those people now) at this cute little place on 7th, and we got to talking about how our friend group has basically dissolved into thin air. We used to hang out every weekend, and now? Crickets. I asked her, “Hey, do you think it’s just us, or is this a universal thing?” And she looked at me like I’d just asked the most obvious question in the world. “Girl, it’s everyone. Adulting is hard.”
Which… yeah. Fair enough.
Where Did Everyone Go?
So, where did everyone go? I’m not talking about the people who moved away or got married and suddenly have zero time for their single friends. I’m talking about the people who are still here, still single, still in the same city, but somehow, we never see each other. It’s like we’ve all just kinda… faded away.
I did a little informal survey (read: I texted 214 people and asked them to fill out a Google form, and only 47 responded, but whatever). And guess what? 89% of them said they feel the same way. We’re all busy, we’re all tired, and honestly, we’re all kinda bad at this adult friendship thing.
And it’s not just me being dramatic. I talked to a therapist named Marcus (not his real name, because hello, privacy) about this, and he said, “Friendships in adulthood require a completley different level of committment than they did when you were younger. You have to actively make time for them, and that’s hard when you’re juggling work, bills, and trying to remember to buy toilet paper.”
But Why Is It So Hard?
Okay, so here’s the thing. When we were kids, friendships were easy. You saw the same people every day at school, and if you didn’t, you called them on the landline (remember those?) and chatted for hours. Now? Not so much.
We’re all so busy with work, and dating, and trying to remember to floss (I’m bad at that, too). And honestly, it’s exhausting. I mean, I barely have time to watch my favorite shows, let alone plan a night out with friends. And don’t even get me started on trying to find a babysitter so I can go out. It’s a nightmare.
But here’s the kicker: we’re also bad at asking for help. We’re all so used to being independent and doing things on our own that we forget it’s okay to ask for help. And that includes asking our friends to make time for us, too.
I remember last Tuesday, I was feeling particularly lonely, so I texted a group chat with some old friends. I said, “Hey, I miss you guys. Wanna hang out this weekend?” And you know what happened? Crickets. Not a single response. I mean, I get it. We’re all busy. But it still hurt. And it made me realize that maybe, just maybe, I need to be better about reaching out to my friends, too.
So, What Can We Do About It?
Look, I’m not saying we all need to become best friends with our coworkers or join a book club (unless you’re into that kinda thing, which is cool, no judgment). But I think we can all do a little better at making time for our friends. And honestly, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. It can be as simple as grabbing coffee with someone you haven’t seen in a while or inviting a friend to check out local events this week.
And if you’re feeling extra ambitious, why not try planning a regular get-together? It doesn’t have to be every week, but maybe once a month? That way, you have something to look forward to, and you’re guaranteed to see your friends at least once a month.
But here’s the thing: it’s not just about making time for your friends. It’s also about being present when you are together. I mean, how many times have you been out with friends and spent the whole time scrolling through your phone? Guilty. I know. We all are. But it’s time to put the phone away and actually talk to each other.
And listen, I get it. It’s hard. It’s hard to make time for friends, it’s hard to be present, and it’s hard to ask for help. But it’s also important. Because at the end of the day, we all need people in our lives who know us, who get us, and who love us for who we are.
A Quick Tangent About Dating Apps
Okay, so this is kinda off topic, but hear me out. I was talking to my friend Dave the other day, and he was complaining about how hard it is to make friends as an adult. And I was like, “Dude, have you tried using dating apps?” And he looked at me like I’d just suggested he try eating glue. “No way,” he said. “Those are for dating, not making friends.” And I was like, “But what if you just use them to make friends?” And he was like, “That’s weird.” And I was like, “No, it’s not. It’s genius.”
Anyway, I’m not saying you should use dating apps to make friends. But I am saying that maybe we need to think outside the box when it comes to making friends as adults. Maybe it’s time to join that club, or take that class, or say yes to that invitation you’ve been putting off. Because at the end of the day, we all need people in our lives. And it’s up to us to make that happen.
So, What’s the Verdict?
Look, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that I have all the answers. Because I don’t. But I do know this: adult friendships are hard. They’re messy, and they’re complicated, and they require a level of committment that we’re just not used to. But they’re also important. They’re worth fighting for. And honestly, they’re worth the effort.
So, let’s make a pact, you and I. Let’s promise to be better about reaching out to our friends. Let’s promise to be present when we’re together. And let’s promise to think outside the box when it comes to making new friends. Because at the end of the day, we all need people in our lives. And it’s up to us to make that happen.
And hey, if all else fails, there’s always wine. And pizza. And bad reality TV. And honestly, sometimes that’s enough.
About the Author: Hi, I’m Jessica, a senior magazine editor with more than 20 years of experience writing feature articles for major publications. I’ve been published in everything from The New Yorker to Cosmopolitan, and I’ve got the weird collection of press passes to prove it. I live in New York City with my cat, who is basically my only friend these days. Just kidding. Maybe.
I write about lifestyle topics because, frankly, I’m nosy and I love a good story. I believe in the power of storytelling to connect us, to make us laugh, and to make us think. And I believe that everyone has a story worth telling. So, let’s tell it.
When I’m not writing, you can find me binge-watching Netflix, trying out new recipes (most of which end in disaster), or wandering around the city in search of the perfect cup of coffee. I’m also a huge fan of live music, and I’ll never turn down an invitation to a concert or a music festival.
So, that’s me. I’m excited to be here, and I can’t wait to share my thoughts and experiences with you. Let’s make some magic happen.
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