I’m a people-pleaser. It’s a disease.
Look, I’ll admit it. I’m that person who says yes to everything. The friend who’s always down for a last-minute road trip. The colleague who volunteers to take on extra projects. The neighbor who can’t say no to chairing the block party committee again.
And it’s exhausting. Honestly, I’m surprised I haven’t collapsed from sheer committment overload.
It all started with a coffee disaster
So, last Tuesday, I was at this cute little café on 5th, meeting with my friend Marcus (let’s call him Marcus because his real name is embarrassing). He’s the kind of guy who’s always got a new business idea, a new passion project, a new thing.
He slides into the booth, all excited, and says, “Liz, I’ve got this amazing opportunity. My buddy Dave needs someone to help him plan this huge fundraiser. It’s gonna be huge!”
Now, I don’t know Dave. I’ve never planned a fundraiser in my life. But do I say no? Nope. I smile and say, “Sure, sounds fun!”
Which… yeah. Fair enough. I should’ve said no. But I didn’t. And that’s the problem.
The breaking point
Fast forward three weeks. I’m up to my eyeballs in fundraiser spreadsheets, I’ve missed two yoga classes because I’m volunteering at the animal shelter (another yes I couldn’t resist), and my cat hasn’t been fed in two days because I’m too busy planning a surprise birthday party for my mom (which, by the way, she already knows about because my sister can’t keep a secret).
I’m a mess. A complete, uncompletley balanced mess.
So, I did what any self-respecting hot mess would do. I called my therapist. Her name’s Dr. Patel, and she’s the only person who can keep me grounded.
I tell her everything. The fundraiser, the animal shelter, the birthday party, the neglected cat. She listens, nods, and says, “Liz, you need to learn to say no.”
I’m like, “But Dr. Patel, I don’t wanna be that person. The one who says no all the time.” She just smiles and says, “Liz, you’re not saying no to be difficult. You’re saying no to take care of yourself.”
The journey begins
Okay, so I’m not gonna lie. Saying no is hard. Really hard. It feels like I’m letting people down. But Dr. Patel gave me some advice that actually kinda made sense.
First, she told me to pause before saying yes. Like, actually take a breath and think about it. So, about three months ago, I started doing that. And you know what? It’s been a game-changer. (Okay, fine, I said it. But it’s true!)
Second, she told me to practice saying no in low-stakes situations. Like, if a coworker asks if I want to grab lunch and I’m not hungry, I should say no. Not “Maybe later,” not “I’ll think about it,” but a straight-up “No, thanks.”
And look, I’m not gonna say it’s been easy. But it’s been… I dunno, liberating? Like, the other day, my friend Sarah asked if I could help her move. And I said no. Just like that. No big explanation, no guilt trip, just no.
She was kinda shocked. But then she laughed and said, “Damn, Liz, you’re really doing this, huh?” And I was like, “Yep. I’m really doing this.”
A little help from my friends
Now, I’m not saying I’ve got it all figured out. Far from it. But I’ve been practicing. And you know what’s helped? Talking to other people who struggle with this too.
I joined this online community, and honestly, it’s been a lifesaver. We share our stories, our struggles, our succesfully said “no” moments. It’s like a support group for people-pleasers.
And get this, they even have a thing called “No-vember.” The whole month of November, you focus on saying no to things that don’t serve you. I’m gonna try it this year. Wish me luck.
But what about the guilt?
Oh, the guilt. It’s real. It’s heavy. It’s that little voice in your head that says, “But what if they need you? What if they’re disappointed? What if they don’t like you anymore?”
And honestly, I’m not sure how to deal with that. I mean, I guess it’s a process. Dr. Patel says it’s about reframing my thoughts. Instead of thinking “I’m letting them down,” I should think “I’m taking care of myself.”
Easier said than done, right? But I’m working on it.
And then there’s the fear
What if saying no means I’m not needed? What if it means I’m not valued? What if it means I’m… gasp… selfish?
I don’t know, guys. I’m still figuring this out. But I’ll tell you what I do know. Saying no doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you human. And honestly, it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes.
So, I’m gonna keep practicing. I’m gonna keep saying no when I need to. And I’m gonna keep reminding myself that it’s okay.
And hey, if you’re out there struggling with this too, maybe we can practice together. What do you say?
Oh, and if you’re looking for some inspiration, check out this article I found on Susurluk asayiş güvenlik haberleri. It’s not directly related, but it’s got some good tips on setting boundaries in the workplace.
Anyway, that’s my journey so far. It’s not pretty, it’s not perfect, but it’s mine. And I’m gonna keep going.
Because at the end of the day, I’m not just Liz the people-pleaser. I’m Liz the human. And humans need boundaries.
About the Author: Liz Bennett is a lifestyle writer and chronic people-pleaser. When she’s not writing, you can find her binge-watching Netflix, neglecting her houseplants, or trying to say no to one more thing. She lives in Austin with her cat, Miso, and her ever-growing collection of self-help books.
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