I’m a People-Pleaser, and It’s Killing Me
Look, I’ll be honest. I’m a sucker for saying yes. Always have been. It’s like there’s this little voice in my head that goes, “Oh, they need help? I’ll do it!” Even if I’m drowning in my own stuff. It’s a committment issue, I know.
But about three months ago, I hit a breaking point. It was a Tuesday—I remember because Tuesdays are usually my “easy” day. But not this one. I had promised to help my friend Marcus’s daughter with her science project, I’d agreed to cover a shift for a colleague named Dave at the coffee shop, and I was supposed to meet my mom for lunch. All before noon.
I was running around like a headless chicken, and that’s when it hit me. I’m not superwoman. I can’t do everything. And honestly, I shouldn’t.
Why Saying Yes All the Time is a Recipe for Disaster
I talked to my friend Lisa about this. She’s a therapist, and she’s always got these little nuggets of wisdom. I said, “Lisa, I feel like I’m always saying yes to everyone, and it’s exhausting.” She looked at me and said, “Sarah, saying yes to everyone is saying no to yourself.” Which… yeah. Fair enough.
And it’s not just exhausting. It’s also setting you up for failure. Because if you’re saying yes to everything, you’re spreading yourself too thin. And then when you can’t do it all, you feel like a failure. It’s a vicious cycle.
I mean, think about it. When you say yes to every invitation, every request, every favor, what are you saying no to? Your own needs? Your own time? Your own sanity?
The Power of Saying No
So, I decided to try something radical. I started saying no. Just a little at first. Like, “No, I can’t cover your shift, Dave. I have plans.” (Even if those plans were just to finally watch that show I’d been meaning to see.) And you know what? The world didn’t end.
In fact, it was kinda liberating. I had more time for myself. I was less stressed. I was happier. And honestly, the people I said no to? They survived. They found someone else to cover their shift, or they did it themselves. And that’s okay.
But here’s the thing about saying no. It’s not just about you. It’s about setting boundaries. It’s about respecting your own time and energy. And it’s about teaching other people to respect that too.
How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty
Now, I’m not gonna lie. Saying no is hard. Especially if you’re used to saying yes all the time. But there are ways to make it easier.
First, remember that you have the right to say no. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t owe anyone your time. You don’t owe anyone anything. So if someone asks you to do something and you don’t want to, just say no. “No, I can’t do that.” End of story.
But if you feel like you need to explain, that’s okay too. Just keep it simple. “No, I can’t cover your shift. I have other plans.” Or “No, I can’t help with that project. I’m already overcommitted.” You don’t need to justify yourself. But if it makes you feel better, go for it.
And look, sometimes people are gonna be disappointed. They’re gonna say, “But I really need your help.” Or “But you always help me.” And that’s tough. But remember, it’s not your job to make everyone else happy. It’s your job to take care of yourself.
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A Tangent: The Art of the White Lie
Now, I’m not saying you should lie. But sometimes, a little white lie can be a lifesaver. Like, if someone invites you to a party and you don’t wanna go, you don’t have to say, “No, I have better things to do than hang out with you.” Just say, “Oh, I’m sorry, I have other plans that night.” Boom. Done.
And if they ask what plans, just say, “Oh, nothing special, just… stuff.” They don’t need to know that your “stuff” is a face mask and a good book. Your time is your time, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Final Thoughts (Or Lack Thereof)
So, that’s my journey to saying no. It’s not perfect. I still struggle sometimes. But I’m getting better. And you know what? It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to put yourself first. It’s okay to set boundaries.
And if anyone gives you a hard time about it, just remember what Lisa said. Saying yes to everyone is saying no to yourself. And you, my friend, are worth saying yes to.
Oh, and one last thing. If you’re looking for a great way to spend your newfound free time, check out product reviews recommendation guide. Trust me, it’s a game-changer.
About the Author: Sarah Johnson is a lifestyle writer and self-proclaimed people-pleaser in recovery. She lives in Austin with her cat, Miso, and spends her free time writing, reading, and saying no to things she doesn’t wanna do. You can find more of her work on CelebsNet.com.
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