To formulate a disagreement is undoubtedly the greatest difficulty with which one can be confronted. But there is a simple 4-step method that is very easy to remember.
In business, with family, or even with friends, this is often a source of unspoken words that can sometimes lead to a blockage that is as latent as it is invalidating. It can also degenerate into a violent clash when all resistance has been exhausted. A disagreement that has not been formulated or that has not been settled is very often the starting point of a crisis. If it is most often recommended to burst the abscess when it swells, the way to do it is not always obvious.
Two American professionals and researchers have nevertheless developed, since the 1970s, a method of conflict resolution which, if simple, remains unknown. A. Sharon Bower is the president of Confidence Training, Inc. which has advised prestigious organizations like Apple, IBM, HP or government agencies. Gordon H. Bower is a professor of psychology at Stanford University, after having obtained his doctorate at Yale. He is a member of the National Academy of Sciences. They are the two authors of the book Asserting Yourself, which detailed their method in 1970.
This method consists of four letters: DESC, the abbreviation in English of “Describe” (to describe), “Express” (to express), “Specify” (to specify or specify) and “Consequences” (to draw the consequences). She promises to resolve conflicts as clearly and effectively as possible and to overcome difficult conversations, when the stakes and emotions are high and the attitude of the interlocutors too defensive. Here are the four detailed steps:
The DESC method, first designed to settle conflicts in business, can be perfectly adapted to everyday life. These four steps each have a specific purpose, regardless of the nature of the disagreement:
In a summary published by Yale University, it is advisable to practice using the DESC method. Before a tense conversation, try for example to write down what you are going to say and repeat it before speaking to your interlocutor. In addition to the beneficial effect on the group (the team, the company, the group of friends, the couple), the method makes it possible to assert oneself, that is to say to defend one’s personal interests, to express one’s thoughts, feelings and beliefs in a direct and effective way. It’s also about respecting the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs of others by staying honest and maintaining an appropriate tone.
