Strong communication is the key to a healthy and lasting relationship. Harvard psychologist and author Dr. Cortney Warren reveals her advice.
Every relationship goes through tough times. But what really matters is how you and your partner interact on a regular basis. Dr. Cortney S. Warren, is a certified psychologist and author of “Letting Go of Your Ex.” She specializes in marriages, love addiction, and breakups, and completed her clinical training at Harvard Medical School. She’s found that the happiest couples don’t run away from conflict. They approach them by talking to each other with appreciation and respect. Unfortunately, she has seen many marriages end due to miscommunication and a refusal to change.
So if you use any of these phrases with your partner, your relationship is more successful than most:
It’s tempting to focus on what you don’t like about your partner and point it out at every opportunity. But it is important to highlight the good side of their actions. Happy couples express their gratitude for each other’s efforts. It’s a great way to make everyone feel valued.
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The healthiest couples don’t just love each other, they also like each other. Loving someone is an intense feeling of affection; to love well is to see the person as they are and to recognize the qualities that we appreciate in them.
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We all have different upbringings, vulnerabilities, values, and beliefs that shape how we view relationships. If your partner is reacting to a situation in a way you don’t understand, telling them you want to get to know them better is key to resolving conflict and creating deeper bonds.
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Disagreements are inevitable, but it’s important to support each other by actively listening. You must be willing to suspend your desire to be “right” or to make your point long enough to hear and empathize with your partner’s perspective.
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When things don’t go as planned, healthy couples know that both partners have a role to play in the situation. Taking responsibility for our role in these conflicts and offering sincere apologies is essential to mending the cracks.
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Forgiving is difficult. It takes vulnerability, letting go of something that hurt us, and changing our feelings about our partner. But studies have shown that couples who practice forgiveness are more likely to have longer, satisfying relationships.
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Being in a relationship is a choice. Reassuring your partner that you always choose to be with him/her and overcome challenges will help create a sense of security and stability.
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If you can find humor (or gently tease each other) during tense moments, your relationship could be stronger than you think. The happiest couples manage to break the tension and readjust the mood by finding room for a genuine smile, light-hearted banter or a joke.
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This one is simple but always good to remember. Verbally expressing your romantic love for each other keeps the relationship alive. And when you say it, make sure you really mean it 🙂
