dear Ms. Peirano,

I (woman, 43) for two years in a relationship. My Problem is the Sex is (once again). I am often advised to men with whom it was sexually frustrating for me. I made a short calculation and a personal statistics: I had approx. 20 intimate partner, of which 10 have been disastrous, 7 at the beginning in order, and only three made it really fun.

among the disasters: An Ex – boyfriend used to Wake me up, for example, regularly in the morning, because HE had an erection, and it has taken me. I’m not but am ever in the mood, and if I sleep just deep, much less. A little bit of Stimulation I need, to be wet. When I told him that I want to, he was offended.

Dr. Julia Peirano: The secret Code of love

I work as a behavior therapist and love coach in private practice in Hamburg-Blankenese. In my PhD I have done research on the connection between the relationship of personality and the luck in love, and then two books about love written.

information about my therapeutic work, see www.julia-peirano.info.

you Have questions, problems, or heartache? Please write to me (maximum of one DIN-A4 page).

other partners always came too early. If I just got the desire, it was already over, and he then turned to the side and slept, while I was lying unsatisfied beside him.

I was with men who wanted to after a long working day at the push of a button Sex or me from behind while I cleaned out the washing machine. I have perceived as inappropriate and demeaning. A Partner wanted to take me from behind and sometimes I had to cover my hair. I had the feeling that he actually had another woman in the head and therefore do not see.

There are also men who have been at pains to satisfy me orally and by Hand. But not a few were relatively unimaginative and for them, the Sex was over when YOU had an orgasm. If I had one, played no role. My impression is that a lot of men are very fixated on their own satisfaction.

J. Peirano: The secret Code of love “help – my husband is a mummy’s boy”

Until recently, I took the easy way, but lately I think more often than not, I’m fine with it. I’m losing the desire for Sex, when I go out empty, and no orgasm didn’t, if the Sex is that BOTH have fun and be satisfied.

I’ve talked with Friends about it and each had to tell a long story – it was a lot of frustration and Stalling. Also, the Teenage daughters of my Friends, it is often not just the young…

My current Partner and I are in everyday super, but in bed it is a bit boring. My Partner is not for variety and experiments in the open, and so it remains in the usual predictable Sex on Saturday. I had hoped that something would now be out of fashion in the…

I know that I want to change something, but it takes two Yes. How do I find a Partner with whom it’s fun? You realize men not necessarily previously. Even men who kiss well, Sex is disappointing.

greetings,

Ursula

love Ursula B.,

<p Aresbet class=”Text”> It sounds really frustrating what you report of your experiences with sexuality! It is definitely a good development that they are now more attentive to the subject and great interest (and also suffering) feel to change something.

I would like to compare Sex with Dancing. What it takes to be a good dance?

Two good dancers, and a good harmony between the two. In the Sex, it is similar: Each can only start with yourself.

How is it with you, if you satisfy yourself? They deal lovingly and intensively with your own body? You, what gives you pleasure to know, and what is not?

Take more time to satisfy yourself – and you will come to a climax? Or you have the feeling, that you yourself do not know what you need to make a hasty or rough with yourself? I only ask because many women do not dare to take their own sexuality in the truest sense of the word, to know himself better and to ensure your satisfaction. For many women, Sex is something that you make to the Partner for the sake of it, without their own ideas.

If you have any interest to get more suggestions, can I recommend the following books:

“Make more love, a sex education book for adults” by Ann-Marlene Henning and “Come as you want. The new women-Sex-book” by Emily Nagoski.

a Lot of women read erotic novels or watch specially designed for women twisted porn show Lust from a female perspective.

If you have found what you like, it is much easier to show a Partner exactly, or to say, how you want to be touched, what fantasies you have, which you find pleasurable (candles, music, what clothes, what places do you like).

you ask, as you will find in the future a Partner who is willing to sexually engage with and to take care of it, that they reach their peak. Speak or write with men before they sleep with each other, about sexuality – about what it is like for the Partner? How important sexuality is and what is it exactly that you find important? If you have any preferences or something like a personal style?

it is also Important what is the attitude the man has towards women – he is also in other areas, he respects a no, he is full of imagination – or he is more comfortable, and be pampered? Or dominant and grip?

you Can time when you get to Know and watch the exactly. I recommend you that you should talk when you get to Know friendly and open, a vibrant, mutually pleasurable sexuality is very important. The Partner will quickly look whether this is also the case. And if someone can not talk freely about sexuality, this is a clear sign that it is not fit for you.

you might also want to try during the learning time phone sex. Thus, you will gain a good impression about what the fantasies of the Partner, how much time he takes, what he likes and how he talks during Sex, how he responds to you.

I have, however, noticed that your claims and your Frustration are very clear.

If you show your Frustration and your requirements as clearly as in your Letter to me, will the man probably more likely the desire and pressure on him. Or how it would go to you, if a man spreads out his frustration with his previous sexual partners before them?

I think, that you be come much more so, if you take a man patiently and playfully on the Hand and tell him what you want. Ask, requests and suggestions of the common Try to do a lot more than Trouble and frustration. Many men find this very exciting: you are looking for a partner who has desire for Sex and tell you exactly what you want. If you show your Frustration and your requirements as clearly as in your Writing.

I wish you all the best!

greetings,

Julia Peirano